Wednesday, August 5, 2015

NPLEX Done!

Yesterday I endured a 200 question, 5 hour exam.  It was a test of my knowledge over the past 2 years that I have been studying for for the past 4 weeks.  Did I know everything?  No.  Was I confident I knew enough to pass?  Yes.  Am I confident I passed?  No.  But upperclassman have all said the same thing... everyone walks out of there thinking they failed.  I guess this is a normal feeling to have and although I'm thinking positive, it is a strong possibility.

I'm not setting myself up for failure but I am realizing that the me now is a lot different than the me 2 years ago when I started medical school.  I used to feel scared and embarrassed if I failed.  I used to feel that I let others down when I failed and I felt like I was a disappointment to others.  More importantly I was disappointed in myself.  We are all our own self-critiques and self-doubt happens to the best of us.  The old me taking this NPLEX exam would have been an absolute mess and SO scared to look at my results.  I probably would have been in tears last night and probably not slept a wink because I would have been thinking about the exam and continued to beat myself up over it.  Don't get me wrong, I am still scared to open that envelope when I get it in 6 weeks, but whatever the outcome is I'm OK with it.  Mainly because I am proud of myself.  I am proud of myself for even being in this process and making it here and I know I did the best I could and worked really hard in preparation for that exam.  This exam will not define me.  It does not mean I am going to be a bad doctor.  It's just a test.  It doesn't mean I don't know anything, it just means what I knew really well didn't match what was asked of me yesterday.  2 years and over 160 credit hours of information is A LOT to be tested over in 200 questions.   The worst case scenario is I retake the exam.  It doesn't hold me back from continuing on in the program.  There were quite a few upperclassman re-taking the exam for the 3rd time.  There have been a lot of accomplished world figures that struggled to get where they are today (even JFK Jr. had to take the bar exam THREE times before he passed!).  It doesn't mean they are less of a person.

I just remind myself that I am so blessed and fortunate to be here today in the first place.  Even more so, I am proud that the new me no longer is so hard on herself and is a better person because of it.

I'm so ready to begin my new quarter today.  It's not as intense as the last few, but it's one step closer to fulfilling my dreams of becoming Dr. Erin Ellis.

Thanks for all your prayers and support the last few days and to my family and friends for being the best cheerleaders!  I love you all!  Team Ellis RULES!

Love, Erin

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Too Long...

Well this is embarrassing!  My blog has been put on the back burner!!  I apologize for all my followers, I have really dropped the ball.  I keep telling myself I will get better with writing and well, it just doesn't happen.  I have no excuses and no explanation.  The only thing I can say is I will continue to try harder to post in here more!

Wow, where do I begin?  I haven't posted in here since January.  SO much has happened.  Right now I am 4 days away from taking my first sent of National Board exams.  It's a standardized test that is comprised of 100 questions in the morning session and then another 100 questions in the afternoon session.  It covers EVERYTHING I have learned over the past 2 years in medical school.  The thought of that alone scares the crap out of me, but I have put in SO many hours of studying over the last 4 weeks that I keep telling myself I know enough to pass.  It's weird to think I only need to pass because on every other test I've taken, I strive to get the best grade I can.   Tuesday, I just need to pass.  I want to open that envelope that will come in 6 weeks to see the words P-A-S-S.  I CAN DO IT!   I beat cancer, I definitely can beat this test!!

I had another yearly check up a few weeks ago.  My scan came back with no evidence of cancer (whew!) however, my colon was inflamed again like it was 2 years ago.  I think my Docs are on vacation because I haven't heard anything.  I haven't been having any GI symptoms so I'm sure that it's nothing and it could have just been from eating poorly (my scan was right around finals time and I tend to "stress eat!")

I also made my celebrity debut on the EPSY awards (ha!).  Awhile back ESPN saw a photo I had posted on Instagram (@SILLEE10) and asked permission to use it for Jimmy V week.  Um, of course they can!!  Well, that was months ago and I never saw anything with it.  Lo and behold, during the Espy's a couple weeks ago, they had a commercial about cancer and survivors and my picture was in it!!  Watch closely, you  may see someone familiar!

video

I officially started my pet sitting business in January as well.  If you or someone you know ever needs someone to care for your pets, I'm here for you!

Check out my website at:  www.barkandbonefest.com

So that's the update from now.  Please say a prayer for me that I will see that magical P word!!  :)

Love you all--

Erin